You see everyday I try my hardest to be the BEST mommy, to be the BEST wife, the BEST friend, the BEST.... And everyday I realize I'm not the 'BEST'. I find myself second guessing my actions and reactions to most things. I feel bad when I snap at my sons for being kids. I get frustrated with myself when I don't clean the house enough. I feel bitter when I see everyone else out having the time of their lives while I'm "stuck" inside. I find myself wishing I could just sleep all day with NO interruptions. I get angry when my discipline never seems to sink in. I doubt myself when my kids don't sleep all night. What am I doing wrong!!!?!?
Then....
Tonight I saw the most beautiful two little boys having fun just dancing together. They looked around the room wanting their mommy to watch. That was me!
Tonight one 3 little year old boy cleared his dinner plate without one "EAT YOUR DINNER!!!"
Tonight one little 10 month old boy giggled hysterically (and contagiously) at the dog as she ran around the room playing with her toy.
Tonight one little 3 year old boy stood still when we were putting on his PJ's
Tonight one little 10 month old boy despite being in excruciating teething pain, still managed to smile from ear to ear when he saw his "gaga" on FaceTime
Tonight one little 3 year old boy quickly picked up a sharp bottle cap that had fallen on the ground before his baby brother grabbed it and got "weally, weally hurt"
Tonight one little 10 month old boy who normally doesn't care much to cuddle before bed, especially when he's teething this bad, decided he wanted to grasp my shirt and let me rock him to sleep.
Tonight one little 3 year old boy taught his bedtime prayer to his baby brother
Tonight one little 10 month old boy took my breath away as I stood up to lay him in his crib, he turned his little face into my neck and took a deep, calm breath. Then right before I laid him down he pressed his little nose under my chin and took another deep, calm breath.
Tonight one little 3 year old boy said to me "Mommy, are you proud of me?".. As tears were rolling down my cheeks all I could do was smile and say "More than you will ever know son, more than you will ever know".
Tonight two little boys, MY little boys, reminded me that being a mommy is truly not about being the best... Instead they showed me that the best is happening right in front of my eyes.... Even when they misbehave - they are watching me, they are learning from me, they are believing in me to DO my best.
So that is what I will do.
In all my gratefulness,
Sarah Diana Parker
Deuteronomy 6:5-9
Love the Lord Your God
6 5 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.
